Vine Life

Last night I spoke to a women’s Bible study group called Vine Life at my church.  I was asked by my friend Aliene, who teaches the class (and also wrote the study!) to share my testimony. She had been my small group leader for the first teaching of her study and boy, did her study and the all of the women in the group help me in my time of need! It was an honor to be  asked to speak to this large group last night. It is the second time I have shared  my story for her teachings, and both times I have felt so blessed to be there.

It is almost comical to me that I was up on stage last night, with a mic in my hand, sharing my story. I mean, really, its me. Super shy. Hyper emotional when feeling “on the spot.” Certainly not a fan of public speaking. At all. Yet there I was, spilling details of my life that would normally be reserved for close friends and family. And you know what? It felt great! The things I was speaking about- teen pregnancies, marriage trouble- have brought me a lot of pain, but it was so amazing to speak of God’s grace in my life. To share how He has used the pain to bring even greater joy. And to spread that good news, I would stand on the rooftops and shout!

Aliene has shared with me that my courage in sharing my story has helped many others also tear down the walls they have built, letting others in and beginning the healing process. It is not an easy thing to do, to pull away the facade and share your heartache. Especially if it means shedding light on someone else’s wrongdoings in the process. I know that I had been protecting others with my walls, and it wasn’t until I let others in, and stopped covering it all up, that I was able to let it go and heal. My goal last night was simply to share my story in hopes that it would touch others. And judging by the numerous emails I have already received today from some of the women in attendance,  I would say that I have accomplished that goal.  So thank you, Aliene, for a wonderful study, an opportunity to share, and the gift of your friendship.

Life…..

It is so easy to get distracted by life. Although I have been distracted form my blogging, I am happy to say, I have not been distracted form working towards my goals. In my previous post, I mentioned the program I had been chosen for at my gym. This year I am participating in the Make A Difference program, which gives me group personal training 3 times per week  and nutrition classes for for a year. They have also included testing to determine my resting metabolic rate ( how many calories my body burns each day at complete rest) and they determined where my heart rate needs to be to give me the most effective fat burning workout. I’m in week 8 of the program now and can already see and feel major differences!

In first 8 weeks of our program, we have been working out hard, getting to know they trainers and the other members in our group. I am so lucky to have the most incredible group of people on my team! We bonded right from the beginning. The support we all show each other is incredible, especially since we all just met a few short weeks ago. And this is a really big opportunity for me. I have been struggling with my weight since I had my oldest daughter 14 years ago.  This program will allow me to have accountability and build friendships with others who are on the same journey, as well as building friendships with those who aspire to help us all change our lives from the inside out.

It has definitely been an adjustment for my whole family, as I am now in class 3 evenings a week. We have all had to make sacrifices and changes in what had been our normal day to day activities. Our meals have changed, our family time has changed, but I think overall it has been a good thing so far. We are all eating far better than we ever have. We are all learning to try new things and to step out of our comfort zones. My husband and kids are all pitching in to do what I had been doing in the evenings, and everyone is helping to cook our new, healthier meals.  I’m glad that the weather is starting to get a bit warmer, so we can all be outside more often, and hopefully get some more of the family runs in on the greenways.

In closing, I will try to update more often, and share my triumphs throughout this program and beyond!

Resolutions

So, normally I don’t really do the whole New Years Resolution thing, because I have always seemed to fail when I have tried. But this year is different. This year I am really taking the time to focus on myself, and change the things in my life that have held me back for years. While traveling over Christmas, I wrote a few blog entries that never made it up. Partly because I was busy with family , partly because I was just lazy, but partly because I had some really exciting things happen over the holidays.

In early December I got an email from my gym promoting a contest for a new program they were launching this year. They were calling it Make A Difference 2010, and it included 3 days a week in a 6 person class with a personal trainer, 2x a month with a nutritionist for the first few months, then 1x per month for the remainder of the year. To enter the contest, I had to submit an essay detailing why changing my life and living a healthier life is important to me. I sat down to write and kept struggling to get the wording right when it hit me that I was having a hard time wording it correctly because I had already written my essay–as blog posts! So I cut and pasted and added what I needed to write the best essay I could. And the following week, as I was traveling, thinking I hadn’t been chosen, I received a call from one of the trainers requesting a phone interview with me, since I was on the road. Several days later, I got the call I had been hoping for and my whole family (yep, my husband, kids, and even a few of my siblings, dad and stepmom) could guess what I heard when I started cheering and jumping up and down in the middle of my dad’s kitchen- I had been chosen as one of the 12 participants from my gym to have the opportunity to take part in this program!

I just completed the first of the assessments provided by the program and have another scheduled for this weekend. The  complimentary assessments include: CardioPoint (identify the heart rate zones in which my workouts are most effective), CaloriePoint (learn how many calories my body burns naturally)and  RiskPoint (a thorough analysis of my overall health).  The program actually begins in a little less than 2 weeks- January 25, which also happens to be my birthday! I am so excited to begin this program. I am looking forward to the challenge that it will provide to me, to the consistency and accountability I will have. This will help me stay on track to run that 15k in July that I have committed to. I look forward to seeing what life changes this opportunity will provide to me.

A New Friend

Since I had my daughter at 16, I have wanted to help other teen moms. I wanted to talk to teens trying to have babies. And I wanted to educate them, as well as other teens, about what being a teen mom was really like. Yes, I had a sweet, innocent baby who loved me unconditionally. Yes, I got to snuggle with a sweet, little love bug. And I got to to experience that first smile, the first gurgles, the first baby kisses, the first steps, and the first words. But it was not easy.

I did get to experience all those wonderful things, but I also got to deal with smelly diapers, the constant spitting up ( and my daughter did this MUCH more than the average child does, because of her birth defect), the sleepless nights, the incessant crying when nothing appeared to be wrong, the isolation from friends (or losing them altogether), the pressure of trying to finish high school, the pressure of trying to succeed in college, trying to fit work into the mix of child rearing and school, and struggling with whether or not I was making the best decisions for my baby.

Fortunately, I had a very supportive family. In fact, I came home from school the day after my grandparents were told I was expecting, to find that my grandpa had purchased a bassinet and some newborn diapers for his first great grandchild. My parents juggled work schedules to provide 3 days a week of child care for my daughter, and my grandmother cared for her the other two days each week so I could finish my junior year of high school. During my senior year, my grandmother watched her 3 days a week and she went to day care the other two days. My siblings were also extremely helpful, babysitting and playing with her. They say it takes a village to raise a baby…and I was so fortunate to have my “village” rally around me!

Friends also helped out a lot. They often planned activities that would include me and my daughter. And they helped if I needed a babysitter in a pinch. My true friends never made me feel bad about my situation, they just encouraged me and loved me and my baby girl..and my baby boy, when he came.  The youth group at my church, which I wanted to quit when I got pregnant (yep, I was pretty embarrassed), threw a surprise baby shower for me. All of the other members of the group had gotten gifts for me and my unborn child. Seriously, a bunch of teenage boys bought gifts for my baby. So did the girls, who I wasn’t really that close to. Instead of judging me, they embraced me and showed me love. Blankets, clothes, bath stuff, and even a rocking chair were given to me that afternoon. One of the youth leaders made a puzzle for my baby, which all five of my children have now played with, and I will cherish forever. So, St Joe’s youth group members…I want you ALL to know just how much you have touched my life. The kindness and love you all showed me on that day will be with me forever.

And that brings me back to where I began. I wanted to show that same love to other young moms. And to help prevent teens from becoming young mothers. It can be done, but it is no easy task to be a teenage mother. Once these young girls find themselves in a tough situation, I wanted to be an encouragement to them. To assure them that a teen pregnancy or teen motherhood does not define them. It will be a small piece of who they are. I wanted to encourage them not to give up, but to keep putting one foot in front of the other and life will get easier. I waned to encourage them to stay in school and look to the future, making the best choices they can for themselves and their children. But mostly, I just wanted them to feel loved and accepted, and to have someone to talk to who had been there and come out successfully on the other side.

When I began this blog a few months ago, I was looking to see if a forum existed for pregnant teens to get the support they need, and I stumbled upon the blog of a 17 year old girl who had recently found out she was pregnant. She was in the process of deciding what the next steps were going to be for her and her unborn child. I reached out to her and Ashley and I have been communicating since. I have been able to answer some questions she has had as well as just be an additional support person for her if she needs anything. That is certainly something  I would’ve liked to have had when I was going through my pregnancy at 16. Ashley keeps her blog updated regularly. You should check it out…she is an incredible young woman with a great head on her shoulders, making extremely tough decisions that will affect both her and her unborn daughter forever. Sort of like what I was doing at that age. I never did find that forum I was looking for, but instead found a bright young woman whom I am proud to call a friend.

Achievements

My last post talked about my lack of getting back in the game after my finger-in-the car-door accident. And I was geared up. But it didn’t last long. I fell right back off the horse! But I am happy to say that tonight I went out for a walk with my husband and son on the greenways near our house. We kept up a quick pace as we walked and talked, and we were teaching our son about cadence and proper breathing. We talked about the heart rate monitor I was wearing and the benefits they have. After walking about 2/3 of the way, we started jogging. And as we neared home, I realized that my time was close to what it had been a few weeks back when I was jogging as much as I could. So I kept pushing. And when I wanted to stop, my husband was there to encourage me to keep going. Just a little further. The next curve. The next manhole. The next post. To the bridge. To the end of the greenway. We were almost home and I saw that I was nearly 2 minutes ahead of my best time on this course! And that boosted me inside. I turned onto my street and began jogging up the hill, up the driveway, to the front door, where I stopped my watch. 36:56! For 3 miles! I beat my best time on the same route by 29 seconds. And I didn’t even run for the first 2 miles! What time would I have gotten if I had been giving it my all, instead of walking and talking with my husband and son?! I can’t tell you that tonight, but I will be pushing myself again, for sure.
On a side note, I am happy to report that I have lost just over 7 lbs in a few weeks. Again, it may not seem like much to most people, but for someone who can push and push and do everything right without losing anything, this is INCREDIBLE!!
So I am out there pushing myself, reaching goals, and setting new ones. What are your goals? And what are doing to achieve them? Let’s share and encourage one another to be the best we can!

It’s Been Awhile

Yeah, Yeah. I know. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything. And I’d like to say I had good reason. Which I do for a day or two, but not for 5 or 6 days. See, last Tuesday night my husband was working so I decided to take the kids to the gym with me. After I challenged myself with a great workout, the kids and I showered and then we were rushing home to get them bed for school the next morning. At least, that was what we were supposed to do. Instead, as I was helping my youngest into the car, I apparently wasn’t paying close enough attention to what I was doing and accidentally shut my finger in the car door. Well, it was actually a bit worse that just shutting on door on my finger. The two doors were both shut and my finger was right between them. And I immediately knew that was not a good thing. At all. Especially since it was 8:30 at night, I needed to get the kids to bed, and my husband was working. But mostly because when I opened the door, (yes, I was smart enough NOT to pull my finger out!) there was a lot of blood. A.Lot.Of.Blood.

I instructed my oldest to wait  in the car with the other kids so I could run inside and clean it off, hoping to see what the damage was and bandage it up without any of them really seeing all the blood. But of course, the little ones freaked out since Mommy was bleeding, and I had a parade behind me as I hustled back inside. One of the managers followed me into the family locker room, which was the closet sink I knew of, and he began applying pressure to the wound. Another employee helped shuffle the kids right outside the family changing area to the couches in the lobby, where they could watch t.v., instead of Mommy bleeding all over the place. It took Garland, the manager, and I almost 15 minutes to get the bleeding to stop, and when we saw the damage I had done, it was clear I needed to make a trip to the emergency room for some stitches. Yuck. And darn it! What an inconvenience. I had things to do. And none of the things on my list was sitting in the ER all night waiting for stitches. So, as he and I went into the office, squeezing my finger to keep the bleeding stopped, I asked my oldest to call her dad at work and let him know what had happened and to meet me at the hospital. Garland and I stuck a few Band-Aids on so I could at least get across the street to the ER. ( Yeah, at least I managed to injure myself less than a mile to the ER!)

My in-laws came to get the kids at the hospital and take them home for bed. And my husband came to sit with me while I waited, which was a good thing, since I couldn’t sign any papers for treatment or anything. So, I got signed in and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after 4 hours of waiting, ( I had already been to triage and x-ray) the nurse called my name. It was already 1 a.m. and I was exhausted and hungry! ( I didn’t want to eat before my workout, so I had a small snack, planning on dinner after I got home…oops!?) Once I got back into a treatment room, they told me that I hadn’t broken any bones or clipped the tendon that was now exposed. Yay! So all I needed was a few stitches. And when did I have my last tetanus shot? Ok, and a tetanus shot, since I have no idea when my last one was. Middle school, probably? The doc explained that she would be numbing my finger before putting the stitches in. I’m ok with that, since, I have had stitches before, and wasn’t quite all the way numb. That is certainly not a pleasant feeling, so she can numb we as much as she wants! How much does the numbing shot hurt, I asked, because I like to know what to expect. Its a needle, she said, and it will hurt a little. I can handle needles, no problem, its the pain I want to be prepared for. I have a fairly high pain threshold (I did have 4 of my 5 kids without pain meds, thankyouverymuch!) but I do like to know what to expect. She said, “It’s about 10 seconds of pain, but 6 hours of pain relief.” Ok, I’m good with pain relief at this time. My finger is throbbing. But then she sprayed a topical numbing agent on my finger before she gave she shot, which got me thinking, but only for a second. My thoughts were confirmed. It hurt a lot more than a little. And then she told me, “Yeah, I didn’t want to say it before I did it, since some people react differently, but I just gave you a nerve block for your finger.” Umm, thanks?! But 10 minutes later my finger was completely numb and she stitched me up, applied some antibiotic ointment, I was wrapped in gauze and sent home.

Its been a few days now, and my finger is healing nicely. It’s still numb and tingly at the tip, kinda like your mouth feels after you leave the dentist. But the cut itself looks really good. But I have felt so helpless in recent days. Of course, I can’t get it wet, so I can’t do dishes or go swimming.  I won’t complain about the dishes, but I would’ve loved to take the kids to the beach or the pool this holiday weekend. And it hurt so much the first few days, I didn’t want to go to the gym and workout, for fear of making it bleed again, or feeling a throbbing from the blood pumping through. Every time I try to do something, from opening a gallon of milk to getting dressed, someone here (who I know just loves me and wants to take care of me!) scolds me for trying to do to much and steps in to do it. Which I am grateful for, because a lot of it hurts and I really don’t want to pull it back open by doing something I shouldn’t. But it makes me feel helpless because, honestly, I can’t do everything I want to do this week. And I hate relying on others to take care of everything. So I ended up in a funk. And I didn’t want to do anything. And I sadly took it out on my husband unnecessarily. But I’m breaking out of it, and getting back into the game. Stitches can come out as early as Wednesday and I will back up to full speed.

So, my lesson learned this week, is to slow down, stop rushing, and ALWAYS make sure the car doors close without my fingers in it! Oh yeah, and to appreciate all the things my loving family does to help me out! I am so blessed to have them!