Set it down

How am I supposed to do this day when I feel like I still have yesterday strapped to my chest?

Sometimes a day is something I do or get through, not something I live in or live for.

Sometimes I have hangovers from yesterday’s emotions. I don’t feel too much (no such thing) and I don’t have too many feelings (neither do you). I am genetically engineered to run my fingers across and wrap my heart around every strand of every fiber of a feeling. That is my birthright and my blessing. The same finger I use to trace fibers is the very one I hold up to point at this blessing as the leading cause of my exhaustion and fatigue.

 

I’ve tried to correct my posture six times today.
I am hunching forward, my shoulders bowing down, seemingly to protect myself, but I know in my heart that I am being pushed further into myself.
I am being pushed by the weight of what I elect to hold and be held by.

 

I wonder if my grandmother and her mother and their daughters felt this same weight.
   If they knew how to hold it.
If they negotiated the arrangement of the feelings to make them easier to carry, or if they even noticed how other  women carried themselves with spines aligned by conviction and certainty and the ability to simply touch a feeling, then

set it
   back
      down.