A New Friend

Since I had my daughter at 16, I have wanted to help other teen moms. I wanted to talk to teens trying to have babies. And I wanted to educate them, as well as other teens, about what being a teen mom was really like. Yes, I had a sweet, innocent baby who loved me unconditionally. Yes, I got to snuggle with a sweet, little love bug. And I got to to experience that first smile, the first gurgles, the first baby kisses, the first steps, and the first words. But it was not easy.

I did get to experience all those wonderful things, but I also got to deal with smelly diapers, the constant spitting up ( and my daughter did this MUCH more than the average child does, because of her birth defect), the sleepless nights, the incessant crying when nothing appeared to be wrong, the isolation from friends (or losing them altogether), the pressure of trying to finish high school, the pressure of trying to succeed in college, trying to fit work into the mix of child rearing and school, and struggling with whether or not I was making the best decisions for my baby.

Fortunately, I had a very supportive family. In fact, I came home from school the day after my grandparents were told I was expecting, to find that my grandpa had purchased a bassinet and some newborn diapers for his first great grandchild. My parents juggled work schedules to provide 3 days a week of child care for my daughter, and my grandmother cared for her the other two days each week so I could finish my junior year of high school. During my senior year, my grandmother watched her 3 days a week and she went to day care the other two days. My siblings were also extremely helpful, babysitting and playing with her. They say it takes a village to raise a baby…and I was so fortunate to have my “village” rally around me!

Friends also helped out a lot. They often planned activities that would include me and my daughter. And they helped if I needed a babysitter in a pinch. My true friends never made me feel bad about my situation, they just encouraged me and loved me and my baby girl..and my baby boy, when he came.  The youth group at my church, which I wanted to quit when I got pregnant (yep, I was pretty embarrassed), threw a surprise baby shower for me. All of the other members of the group had gotten gifts for me and my unborn child. Seriously, a bunch of teenage boys bought gifts for my baby. So did the girls, who I wasn’t really that close to. Instead of judging me, they embraced me and showed me love. Blankets, clothes, bath stuff, and even a rocking chair were given to me that afternoon. One of the youth leaders made a puzzle for my baby, which all five of my children have now played with, and I will cherish forever. So, St Joe’s youth group members…I want you ALL to know just how much you have touched my life. The kindness and love you all showed me on that day will be with me forever.

And that brings me back to where I began. I wanted to show that same love to other young moms. And to help prevent teens from becoming young mothers. It can be done, but it is no easy task to be a teenage mother. Once these young girls find themselves in a tough situation, I wanted to be an encouragement to them. To assure them that a teen pregnancy or teen motherhood does not define them. It will be a small piece of who they are. I wanted to encourage them not to give up, but to keep putting one foot in front of the other and life will get easier. I waned to encourage them to stay in school and look to the future, making the best choices they can for themselves and their children. But mostly, I just wanted them to feel loved and accepted, and to have someone to talk to who had been there and come out successfully on the other side.

When I began this blog a few months ago, I was looking to see if a forum existed for pregnant teens to get the support they need, and I stumbled upon the blog of a 17 year old girl who had recently found out she was pregnant. She was in the process of deciding what the next steps were going to be for her and her unborn child. I reached out to her and Ashley and I have been communicating since. I have been able to answer some questions she has had as well as just be an additional support person for her if she needs anything. That is certainly something  I would’ve liked to have had when I was going through my pregnancy at 16. Ashley keeps her blog updated regularly. You should check it out…she is an incredible young woman with a great head on her shoulders, making extremely tough decisions that will affect both her and her unborn daughter forever. Sort of like what I was doing at that age. I never did find that forum I was looking for, but instead found a bright young woman whom I am proud to call a friend.