A New Friend

Since I had my daughter at 16, I have wanted to help other teen moms. I wanted to talk to teens trying to have babies. And I wanted to educate them, as well as other teens, about what being a teen mom was really like. Yes, I had a sweet, innocent baby who loved me unconditionally. Yes, I got to snuggle with a sweet, little love bug. And I got to to experience that first smile, the first gurgles, the first baby kisses, the first steps, and the first words. But it was not easy.

I did get to experience all those wonderful things, but I also got to deal with smelly diapers, the constant spitting up ( and my daughter did this MUCH more than the average child does, because of her birth defect), the sleepless nights, the incessant crying when nothing appeared to be wrong, the isolation from friends (or losing them altogether), the pressure of trying to finish high school, the pressure of trying to succeed in college, trying to fit work into the mix of child rearing and school, and struggling with whether or not I was making the best decisions for my baby.

Fortunately, I had a very supportive family. In fact, I came home from school the day after my grandparents were told I was expecting, to find that my grandpa had purchased a bassinet and some newborn diapers for his first great grandchild. My parents juggled work schedules to provide 3 days a week of child care for my daughter, and my grandmother cared for her the other two days each week so I could finish my junior year of high school. During my senior year, my grandmother watched her 3 days a week and she went to day care the other two days. My siblings were also extremely helpful, babysitting and playing with her. They say it takes a village to raise a baby…and I was so fortunate to have my “village” rally around me!

Friends also helped out a lot. They often planned activities that would include me and my daughter. And they helped if I needed a babysitter in a pinch. My true friends never made me feel bad about my situation, they just encouraged me and loved me and my baby girl..and my baby boy, when he came.  The youth group at my church, which I wanted to quit when I got pregnant (yep, I was pretty embarrassed), threw a surprise baby shower for me. All of the other members of the group had gotten gifts for me and my unborn child. Seriously, a bunch of teenage boys bought gifts for my baby. So did the girls, who I wasn’t really that close to. Instead of judging me, they embraced me and showed me love. Blankets, clothes, bath stuff, and even a rocking chair were given to me that afternoon. One of the youth leaders made a puzzle for my baby, which all five of my children have now played with, and I will cherish forever. So, St Joe’s youth group members…I want you ALL to know just how much you have touched my life. The kindness and love you all showed me on that day will be with me forever.

And that brings me back to where I began. I wanted to show that same love to other young moms. And to help prevent teens from becoming young mothers. It can be done, but it is no easy task to be a teenage mother. Once these young girls find themselves in a tough situation, I wanted to be an encouragement to them. To assure them that a teen pregnancy or teen motherhood does not define them. It will be a small piece of who they are. I wanted to encourage them not to give up, but to keep putting one foot in front of the other and life will get easier. I waned to encourage them to stay in school and look to the future, making the best choices they can for themselves and their children. But mostly, I just wanted them to feel loved and accepted, and to have someone to talk to who had been there and come out successfully on the other side.

When I began this blog a few months ago, I was looking to see if a forum existed for pregnant teens to get the support they need, and I stumbled upon the blog of a 17 year old girl who had recently found out she was pregnant. She was in the process of deciding what the next steps were going to be for her and her unborn child. I reached out to her and Ashley and I have been communicating since. I have been able to answer some questions she has had as well as just be an additional support person for her if she needs anything. That is certainly something  I would’ve liked to have had when I was going through my pregnancy at 16. Ashley keeps her blog updated regularly. You should check it out…she is an incredible young woman with a great head on her shoulders, making extremely tough decisions that will affect both her and her unborn daughter forever. Sort of like what I was doing at that age. I never did find that forum I was looking for, but instead found a bright young woman whom I am proud to call a friend.

Achievements

My last post talked about my lack of getting back in the game after my finger-in-the car-door accident. And I was geared up. But it didn’t last long. I fell right back off the horse! But I am happy to say that tonight I went out for a walk with my husband and son on the greenways near our house. We kept up a quick pace as we walked and talked, and we were teaching our son about cadence and proper breathing. We talked about the heart rate monitor I was wearing and the benefits they have. After walking about 2/3 of the way, we started jogging. And as we neared home, I realized that my time was close to what it had been a few weeks back when I was jogging as much as I could. So I kept pushing. And when I wanted to stop, my husband was there to encourage me to keep going. Just a little further. The next curve. The next manhole. The next post. To the bridge. To the end of the greenway. We were almost home and I saw that I was nearly 2 minutes ahead of my best time on this course! And that boosted me inside. I turned onto my street and began jogging up the hill, up the driveway, to the front door, where I stopped my watch. 36:56! For 3 miles! I beat my best time on the same route by 29 seconds. And I didn’t even run for the first 2 miles! What time would I have gotten if I had been giving it my all, instead of walking and talking with my husband and son?! I can’t tell you that tonight, but I will be pushing myself again, for sure.
On a side note, I am happy to report that I have lost just over 7 lbs in a few weeks. Again, it may not seem like much to most people, but for someone who can push and push and do everything right without losing anything, this is INCREDIBLE!!
So I am out there pushing myself, reaching goals, and setting new ones. What are your goals? And what are doing to achieve them? Let’s share and encourage one another to be the best we can!

It’s Been Awhile

Yeah, Yeah. I know. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything. And I’d like to say I had good reason. Which I do for a day or two, but not for 5 or 6 days. See, last Tuesday night my husband was working so I decided to take the kids to the gym with me. After I challenged myself with a great workout, the kids and I showered and then we were rushing home to get them bed for school the next morning. At least, that was what we were supposed to do. Instead, as I was helping my youngest into the car, I apparently wasn’t paying close enough attention to what I was doing and accidentally shut my finger in the car door. Well, it was actually a bit worse that just shutting on door on my finger. The two doors were both shut and my finger was right between them. And I immediately knew that was not a good thing. At all. Especially since it was 8:30 at night, I needed to get the kids to bed, and my husband was working. But mostly because when I opened the door, (yes, I was smart enough NOT to pull my finger out!) there was a lot of blood. A.Lot.Of.Blood.

I instructed my oldest to wait  in the car with the other kids so I could run inside and clean it off, hoping to see what the damage was and bandage it up without any of them really seeing all the blood. But of course, the little ones freaked out since Mommy was bleeding, and I had a parade behind me as I hustled back inside. One of the managers followed me into the family locker room, which was the closet sink I knew of, and he began applying pressure to the wound. Another employee helped shuffle the kids right outside the family changing area to the couches in the lobby, where they could watch t.v., instead of Mommy bleeding all over the place. It took Garland, the manager, and I almost 15 minutes to get the bleeding to stop, and when we saw the damage I had done, it was clear I needed to make a trip to the emergency room for some stitches. Yuck. And darn it! What an inconvenience. I had things to do. And none of the things on my list was sitting in the ER all night waiting for stitches. So, as he and I went into the office, squeezing my finger to keep the bleeding stopped, I asked my oldest to call her dad at work and let him know what had happened and to meet me at the hospital. Garland and I stuck a few Band-Aids on so I could at least get across the street to the ER. ( Yeah, at least I managed to injure myself less than a mile to the ER!)

My in-laws came to get the kids at the hospital and take them home for bed. And my husband came to sit with me while I waited, which was a good thing, since I couldn’t sign any papers for treatment or anything. So, I got signed in and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after 4 hours of waiting, ( I had already been to triage and x-ray) the nurse called my name. It was already 1 a.m. and I was exhausted and hungry! ( I didn’t want to eat before my workout, so I had a small snack, planning on dinner after I got home…oops!?) Once I got back into a treatment room, they told me that I hadn’t broken any bones or clipped the tendon that was now exposed. Yay! So all I needed was a few stitches. And when did I have my last tetanus shot? Ok, and a tetanus shot, since I have no idea when my last one was. Middle school, probably? The doc explained that she would be numbing my finger before putting the stitches in. I’m ok with that, since, I have had stitches before, and wasn’t quite all the way numb. That is certainly not a pleasant feeling, so she can numb we as much as she wants! How much does the numbing shot hurt, I asked, because I like to know what to expect. Its a needle, she said, and it will hurt a little. I can handle needles, no problem, its the pain I want to be prepared for. I have a fairly high pain threshold (I did have 4 of my 5 kids without pain meds, thankyouverymuch!) but I do like to know what to expect. She said, “It’s about 10 seconds of pain, but 6 hours of pain relief.” Ok, I’m good with pain relief at this time. My finger is throbbing. But then she sprayed a topical numbing agent on my finger before she gave she shot, which got me thinking, but only for a second. My thoughts were confirmed. It hurt a lot more than a little. And then she told me, “Yeah, I didn’t want to say it before I did it, since some people react differently, but I just gave you a nerve block for your finger.” Umm, thanks?! But 10 minutes later my finger was completely numb and she stitched me up, applied some antibiotic ointment, I was wrapped in gauze and sent home.

Its been a few days now, and my finger is healing nicely. It’s still numb and tingly at the tip, kinda like your mouth feels after you leave the dentist. But the cut itself looks really good. But I have felt so helpless in recent days. Of course, I can’t get it wet, so I can’t do dishes or go swimming.  I won’t complain about the dishes, but I would’ve loved to take the kids to the beach or the pool this holiday weekend. And it hurt so much the first few days, I didn’t want to go to the gym and workout, for fear of making it bleed again, or feeling a throbbing from the blood pumping through. Every time I try to do something, from opening a gallon of milk to getting dressed, someone here (who I know just loves me and wants to take care of me!) scolds me for trying to do to much and steps in to do it. Which I am grateful for, because a lot of it hurts and I really don’t want to pull it back open by doing something I shouldn’t. But it makes me feel helpless because, honestly, I can’t do everything I want to do this week. And I hate relying on others to take care of everything. So I ended up in a funk. And I didn’t want to do anything. And I sadly took it out on my husband unnecessarily. But I’m breaking out of it, and getting back into the game. Stitches can come out as early as Wednesday and I will back up to full speed.

So, my lesson learned this week, is to slow down, stop rushing, and ALWAYS make sure the car doors close without my fingers in it! Oh yeah, and to appreciate all the things my loving family does to help me out! I am so blessed to have them!